Understanding Power, Trauma, and the Illusion of Choice
Why Consent Isn’t Always Freely Given When Power Is Involved
In recent weeks, conversations surrounding the Jeffrey Epstein files have reignited public outrage—and rightfully so. But beneath the headlines is a deeper truth many survivors already know:
Consent is not simply about saying “yes” or “no.” Consent is about power.
As a sex, trauma, and intimacy therapist and advocate, this is one of the most overwhelming—and misunderstood—truths I encounter. Survivors are often blamed because others believe they could have said no, without ever examining how power reshapes choice, safety, and the nervous system.
What Do We Mean by “Power”?
Power is not always loud. Power is not always violent. Power often looks relational, spiritual, financial, emotional, or positional.
Power exists when one person holds:
Authority (pastor, leader, teacher, supervisor)
Spiritual influence (church leadership, religious roles)
Age or developmental advantage
Financial control or access to resources
Emotional leverage through attachment or dependency
Social capital, reputation, or status
When power is unequal, choice becomes constrained—not because the survivor is weak, but because the environment is unsafe.
Power in Church, Relationships, and Marriage
Many people struggle to recognize power when it doesn’t look like a stranger or physical force.
Power exists when:
A spiritual leader frames compliance as obedience to God
An older partner defines what is “normal” or “loving”
A spouse controls finances, housing, or stability
A relationship slowly shifts into sexual pressure
A woman risks losing her family, faith community, or identity if she says no
And yet, when harm occurs, the questions often sound like:
“Why didn’t she leave?” “Why didn’t she say no?” “Why did she stay?”
These questions place responsibility on the survivor rather than examining the power dynamics that limited her freedom.
Why Victim Blaming Persists—and Who It Targets
Victim blaming persists not because survivors are unclear—but because society struggles to sit with power, discomfort, and systemic responsibility.
Research in trauma psychology and social cognition shows that victim blaming often serves to:
Preserve a belief in a “just world”
Distance observers from vulnerability
Avoid confronting institutional or relational abuse
Reduce fear by believing, “This wouldn’t happen to me”
As a result, shame is distributed unevenly, particularly toward women whose stories don’t fit narrow ideas of what a “real victim” looks like.
Women are blamed across nearly every context:
Girls and teens labeled as “too mature”
Women in churches accused of “tempting” leadership
Pastors’ wives blamed for not protecting the marriage
Married women blamed for staying
Single women blamed for trusting
Women with financial need blamed for “choosing survival”
Women in escorting or sex work blamed for existing
Women in age-gap relationships blamed for “knowing better”
Across all of these stories, the common thread is not poor judgment—it is power imbalance.
When we focus only on whether a woman said yes, we ignore whether she was ever truly free to say no.
What Power Does to the Brain and Body
Trauma research consistently shows that when someone perceives threat—whether emotional, relational, spiritual, or physical—the brain prioritizes survival over autonomy.
This can result in:
Freezing or compliance
Dissociation or emotional numbing
Confusion around desire and boundaries
Delayed recognition of harm
Self-blame after the fact
This is why someone may appear to agree while internally feeling trapped.
Compliance is not consent. Silence is not consent. Survival is not desire.
The Epstein Files and the Illusion of “Choice”
What makes the Epstein case so disturbing is not only the abuse—but the systems of power that enabled it.
Young girls were offered money, access, and attention—but not equal power. Their age, dependence, and vulnerability fundamentally altered their ability to consent, regardless of what may have been said aloud.
This mirrors the lived reality of many survivors whose experiences never make headlines.
How Power-Based Trauma Shows Up Years Later
Power-based sexual trauma doesn’t stay in the past.
It often shows up later as:
Difficulty trusting desire
Confusion around arousal or boundaries
Shame within sexual relationships
Fear of authority figures
Over-responsibility for others’ comfort
Struggles saying no—even when safe
Survivors often ask:
“Did I want it?” “Was it my fault?” “Why does my body still react?”
These questions are not signs of brokenness—they are signs of a nervous system shaped by survival.
Reframing Consent Through a Trauma-Informed Lens
True consent requires:
Equal power
Emotional safety
Freedom from coercion
The ability to say no without consequence
Ongoing choice—not obligation
When these conditions are missing, responsibility shifts away from the survivor and toward the system, relationship, or individual holding the power.
Gentle Reflection for Survivors
If this resonates, consider:
Where did I feel responsible for someone else’s comfort or approval?
What did it cost me to imagine saying no?
What would safety have needed to look like for me then?
Where do I still override myself today?
You don’t need answers. Awareness is enough.
How We Support Healing at Journey to New Beginnings
At Journey to New Beginnings Counseling Services, we support teen girls and women healing from power-based sexual trauma and its impact on identity, relationships, faith, and intimacy.
Our trauma-informed care includes:
EMDR and somatic therapy
Nervous system regulation and stabilization
Attachment-focused healing
Support with sexual and relational intimacy
Faith-sensitive, non-shaming care
We help clients move from confusion and self-blame to clarity, agency, and embodied safety.
Because healing isn’t about proving you didn’t choose it. Healing is about understanding why choice was never equal to begin with.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can it be sexual trauma if I said yes?
Yes. Trauma is defined by impact, not wording. When power, fear, or survival shaped the moment, consent may not have been freely given.
Is consent valid when there is a power imbalance?
Consent is compromised when one person holds authority, control, or influence that limits the other’s ability to say no safely.
Why do I feel ashamed if I wasn’t physically forced?
Shame often comes from internalized blame and misunderstanding how trauma affects the nervous system—not from actual responsibility.
What is coerced consent?
Coerced consent occurs when someone agrees due to pressure, fear, dependency, or consequences rather than free choice.
Why do I still feel confused years later?
Trauma can delay clarity. The body and brain often understand what happened long before words are available.
Does spiritual or religious abuse count as sexual trauma?
Yes. When faith or spiritual authority is used to pressure or silence, it can deeply impact consent, safety, and intimacy.